God Bless you all and have a gentle Christmas with warm memories of Adam. Love to You Keeping you in my heart and prayers always xoxo Vee
This Holiday Season / Donna Mother Of Christina Ann Valle
Thinking of you and your family this season. Thank you for all that you do for us.
Another Holiday Without You / Christian-Aunt To Stacia Collins (none) I pray that your holiday is fulled with everything we couldn't give u I hope the stars are enough to light up your world I hope that everything you ever wanted has finally reached you Because nothing is ever gonna be the same down here 'Cause my heart still aches My tears are still falling And my life has changed completely I don't want to see another holiday come near Because it's just another holiday that I have to spend alone Alone with my thoughts and memories of what it was the years before And with Christmas just around the corner I don't want to see it Because it's just another holiday without you.
None/ Christian-Aunt To Stacia Collins (none) I can't even imagine what you're going through. I only lost one person where it had something to do with a shot gun, but they only ruled it as accidentaly. Right now I really don't know what happen, even though I was the last person he talked too. However, he never said anything about hurting hisself so I don't really know.
Little drummer boy / Jane Speidel, Mom Of Adam Waymire (mother)
MY Little Drummer Boy-How much I miss you and everything about you. I miss hearing you play your drums and guitar, your laugh, smile, big brown beautiful eyes, sense of humor, voice, bone-crushing hugs....oh the list can go on and on.
It's Christmas time again, the fourth one without you. Do you realize how hard it is to shop? Went out twice, and cried both times...the joy is gone for me. Remember the year that I wanted a big full tree-a real one. We walked all over a Christmas tree farm, and probably examined every tree at least 3 times looking for the perfect one. Finally, we chose one. Oh boy, was it round--remember? It took up about half of the living room--and we had to buy at least $100 more in decorations to make it look right? As the tree relaxed, the branches spread out even farther, we had to pull it out more into the center of the room-oh how we all laughed till I don't think we could laugh anymore. Unfortunately, I cannot find photos of that tree, but the memories will never leave me. Your memory will never leave me-Christmas, Thanksgiving just isn't the same. Every ordinary day, just isn't the same. How much it hurts every morning when I awaken-of course you are first on my mind. I am faced with another day of not being able to see your face or hear your voice. I cannot get in my truck and drive to see you, I cannot pick up a telephone to talk to you. Sometimes I am angry with you---I try so hard not to be--because I realize that you were ill--yes, I understand that depression is an illness.
The pain of staying became more painful than the pain of going.
I tried so hard to help you, for I knew that you were depressed-how deeply so-I didn't know-nor did suicide enter my thoughts. I did however realize that there was a depression, and an addiction to pain pills. I got you into my counselor, you were trying to quit 'self-medicating', and you seemed to be doing better. I feared burying you for fear that your addiction could win. I can't forgive Kim, just can't. She stated that "I was molly-coddling you", and that "Adam's a grown adult-he doesn't need help". At the time I didn't even know what 'molly coddling' meant--it means babying you--being overprotective. And whats with this theory that grown adults don't need help? I cannot forgive her. Interfering with my marriage is one thing--but my child---quite another. I leave her in God's hands though, and one fine day, she will be judged and juried by God-Almighty. I remember being on your dads front porch on June 3, 2004, stating to your father that "I think Kim wants Adam to die-then she won't have to fight him for your possessions-money". It liked 2 days of being 6 months later that we buried you-Dec 1, 2004. She lied in court against me, making statements that weren't true--yes, God will deal with her in His way and His time.
I've read some of what you had written, (only since your passing) your reference to life as "mindless routine". I spent many hours thinking about this 'mindless routine' stuff. You're right-we do the same things day after day, after day after day. For you, it tells me that you found life to be boring-for me, if I had to think much about functioning after you left-don't think I could have done many of the day-to-day stuff that I've had to do. Mindless routine allowed me some functional-ability. Another shocker was finding out that the motorcycle crash that you had in June 2003 was a failed attempt of suicide made to look like an accident--Your words, "I wanted that crash to kill me". Why Adam--Why?
Little things come back to me---conversations, etc. that make me say "OMG". I vaguely remember when you were wanting to 'vacation' to SanFrancisco. I was dumb-founded to find out that you called for airline rates-not because you did that-but because I found out that it was for a one-way trip. When I questioned you about your plans and asked you if you were planning on moving to SanFran-the reply you gave me, "No mom, I want to catch the bus". I remember that I teased you and told you that you meant the trolley. Of course, I really didn't understand THEN what you meant by that statement. I only assumed that you wanted to fly to SanFran for a vacation, and return to Indiana on a bus. I didn't know why--but since then, I have discovered what "catching the bus" means. You see, I found out that there are sites on the Internet that are referred to as 'bus stops'. People go to the 'bus stops' for the purpose of discussing suicide, reasons to do it, methods to use. When someone declares that they are 'going to catch the bus', it means that they have made up their mind that they are going to take their life. Little did I even suspect that that's what you meant. Why SanFran-what was the attraction? The Golden Gate Bridge? I don't know-I guess I'll never actually know. I've been on brain overload and exhaustion numerous times in the last 3+ years wondering, trying to understand.
The more I've tried to rationalize, the more that I realize that I can't. You cannot crawl into the mind of someone who is thinking suicidal and irrationally, and understand it with rational thinking.
I know in my heart that I did not fail you. I wasn't a perfect mother and I made mistakes, but I know that I was a great mother--you even told your friends, "my mom is cool". "My mom is there for me when no one else is-I can always count on mom", "I love and adore my mother", etc.
I also recognize that you did as much for me as you could before you left. An example: I was refinishing my kitchen when you died-you had moved back in with me. I saw your glass top table, and told you that I think when my kitchen is finished, I was going to buy a glass top table. I'll never forget how you tilted your head, "really mom"? "Yes Adam, I like your table". Eight months after your death, I found the table in my garage. You had plans on attending college (cover-up) out-of-state, you sold lots of things--stove, refrigerator, washer-dryer, TV, stereo system, entire living room suite--lots of things, but not the table. Nor did you sell your bedroom furniture--you knew I had an empty bedroom-you left that too. The college that you were going to attend, you told me that you had closed out your checkbook, and needed $900 for enrollment. You gave me the $900, and I wrote a check for you from my account. I was shocked to find out after your death that you never closed out your acct-that was your sneakiness to give me that money. Before you flew to Florida, we had an argument over your computer desk/matching bookshelve. You told me that you wanted me to have it. I argued with you that you would need it in Florida--"NO, I won't mom". I found out after your death, that you sold your computer. I DIDN'T WANT YOUR MONEY OR THINGS!!!!!!! I WANTED YOU!
Another Example: I had Kee-Lo for 13 months prior to your death. You tried to coerce me into getting rid of Kee-Lo because you thought that he was too much for me to handle. Just days before you died, your tried to call a friend of yours, when you couldn't reach him-you left him a message, telling him that you wanted him to take Kee-Lo, further stating that "Kee-Lo is just too much for mom to handle-she won't get rid of him." I loved Kee-Lo, but the night of your showing, your friend sat me down and let me hear that message. That's the only reason that I gave Kee-Lo up--it was your request. I regret giving up Kee-Lo.
There are other things that you did, but I think this is starting to look like a book.
I'll never forget our last conversation (in person). You told me, "Mom, no matter what happens--just remember I love you--don't ever forget how much I love you---no matter what". You knew you were going to leave me.
I could give more examples, I think about the things you did, the things you wrote, the things that you said quite often-and no more than 10 minutes can pass by in which I'm not thinking of you-longing to see you, longing to hear your voice, longing to hold you again. This is so hard, I do not believe that you meant to hurt me--simply, you wanted to stop hurting. I found a newspaper article tucked away in your billfold-it was an article about depression.
I know that you're sitting at God's table now-it isn't my table, and that hurts. You don't know how often I cry out to you, "Come home Adam-just walk through the door". "PLEASE-come home".
Grandma Speidel isn't doing very well, keep a watch over her-if she should leave us too--I know that you'll be at Heaven's gate to welcome her home. Wait on me too, my precious son, for the day will come that I'll be there too---I promise you that I'll be there.....be at the gate for me too.
I'm sitting here in tears..............missing you, loving you..................wanting you to come home..........
All my love, always and forever,
Mom
Merry Christmas / Family Of William Myers
Merry Christmas God Bless
Merry Christmas / Susan, Mom To Kurtis Cleaver (connected by our angels )
MERRY CHRISTMAS / Susan, Mom To Angel Kurtis Cleaver
Wishing you and your family a / Carole Mom To Angel Heather Bates
PRECIOUS ADAM AND YOUR LOVED ONES / ROSE GRMA TO ANGEL BRITTANY SYFERT
Thinking of u precious Adam / Candy Lynch (Friend) Forever and always in the heart of many sending love and hugs to u and ur precious family Adam hugs Candy & Jai
Adam/ Susan~Kurtis Cleaver (connected by angels )
FOREVER MISSED
Remembering Adam / Carol Pizzi (Angel Debbie's Mom )
Remembering Adam / Carol Pizzi (Angel Debbie's Mom )
Happy thanksgiving / Dessa Smith (Connected by angels )
Tributes and Condolences
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